**Life after trauma, anxiety and crisis**
Written by Professor Nevin Al-Khalili / Lulu
I celebrated my twentieth birthday in 2002. It was a particularly happy day, And like any happy teenage girl, I was very pleased to receive beautiful gifts that impressed me. I felt more mature and stable than when I was a teenager. Everything around me seemed rosy until July 27, 2002 – a day I will never forget!!!!!. I woke up that morning different from any other morning. An important day in my life began, With a wonderful mood, joy and happiness, My dear sister Sherine came. To my house as we planned to go out to dinner that night with my family, my boyfriend, and my two young children. My older sister, Sherine, was newly married and was still on her honeymoon. Sherine, my older sister, is one year older than me. She is my only sister. I have no other siblings except her. I arrived at 8pm as planned and we left together for Tel Aviv for a celebratory dinner. We parked our car near the restaurant on a two-way street while Sherine and her husband parked on the other side. While Sherine was crossing the street, Suddenly a cursed car arrived, driving at excessive speed, and the worst happened. The car collided directly with Sherine. There was a very terrible car accident. As a result of this shocking incident, “Totally Broken” Sherine became a living soul in a 150% disabled body.
Eleven years passed and Sherine remained lying on the bed. Barely able to sit in a wheelchair, She understood but struggled to express her feelings, I understood but was unable to respond. Of course you can’t walk, So stand like everyone around her. Shirin remained frozen in time since that horrific accident at the age of twenty. This painful image has not changed yet and is still shocking. As a result, I fell into a deep depression, Anxiety and personal guilt, What will become of it? Is it possible to see obvious miracles? Will I ever be able to officially celebrate with Sherine again?
in this days, My mother has superpowers, Stronger than anyone else. She is the one who clings to my sister at every moment. Take care of the “withered flower”, She buys the best equipment and supplies for her and for her. It is said that mothers are unique, But she really deserves a “medal and certificate of appreciation.” I learned a lot from her, In fact everything. My mother is a spiritual woman who believes in destiny. Believe that everything happens for a reason, We have to learn how to deal with that. You empowered me and my brother, Men of the house. The mother who “stood tall” strengthened me greatly.
After a period of anxiety, My mood improved a little and I even felt like I was dealing with the current situation; Depression subsided. I continued to research what I could do and how to get out of constant depression and anxiety. I created a new reality. I completed 12 years of study, She graduated from high school with honors and a high school diploma. Then I found time to try out my business skills. My mother guided me and gave me a job to earn my living. Shortly after, I realized that my place was still to study and expand my understanding.
Like most people, I’ve struggled my whole life. I started my studies, from a bachelor’s degree in psychology directly to a master’s degree in applied educational psychology with a specialization in counseling, then a doctorate. I remained curious and continued to study hypnosis, group guidance, educational diagnosis, human sexual aspects, normal and abnormal human development, I studied neurolinguistic psychology to understand human mental and cognitive ability. I also studied reincarnation, and read a lot about the universe, the human mind, the power of thought, and where ideas come from. I worked hard to finance all my studies, dealt with difficulties and obstacles to the best of my ability, battled anxiety, built a good name for myself with great effort, was very proud of myself and every good deed I did, achieved self-fulfillment, achieved some of my dreams and reached goals I set for myself. I gave lectures to undergraduate and professional degree students, and I felt satisfied with everything I did until I celebrated my 30th birthday in 2012 and again on June 6, 2012 I personally experienced a shock. I was undermined by extremely difficult relationship circumstances, my health, my career, and my financial situation seemed hopeless and I saw no way out of the difficulties that piled up on every side. **And then it happened!**
Many sleepless nights filled with endless crying and anger, and lack of understanding, from everyone, of life itself, Until I started to understand what was happening to me. I started browsing through the research and found a saying that says: “You are the one who creates your future.” Everything that happens to you is something you created for yourself.” I said to myself, Make this for the better, Look at the obstacle and see what you can learn from it.
I read the book “Embodied Thinking” by Dr. Vladimir Pecho. The miracle happened! I discovered a secret that changed my life 180 degrees. I understood that everything can be changed, It can be corrected and you can live a new life designed for yourself. I discovered 10 keys to happiness, Each key leads you to a new world to change your life, relationships, luck, family/marital relationships, career, education, self-confidence, etc. There is still a lot you don’t know or understand about yourselves.
While conducting my research in preparation for writing my book and doctoral thesis, I read an article in Reader’s Digest that pointed out the amazing fact that every second person does not like their job!! 1 in 2 people might prefer to work in a different job than the one they have or work in a completely different field?
For many years, Researchers looked into the biographies of successful people to answer two important questions:
- How are some people more successful than others?
- Why do some people seem to have the knowledge and talent that enables them to achieve so great success, Yet their living standards are much lower than expected?
I desperately wanted to know why some people achieve tremendous success, happiness, and prosperity. Until I discovered the key that exists in every person – “motivation”.
The first type of motivation is survival motivation :
The first psychologist Abraham Maslow said that “the most important driving force for human beings is the ‘survival’ force.”
Survival power is what forces humans to meet basic needs such as food, water and air. When a person lacks one of these basic needs, An essential internal stimulus is activated to alert the brain’s nervous system about the specific deficiency. The speed of movement of nerve cells makes the human body move and creates an incentive for him to do whatever is necessary to fill this deficiency. And therefore, Upon success, The body returns to its normal state.
To clarify the matter, I will give an example of the common feature that the lion and the deer had in the forests. They both started running fast in the early morning hours. The lion knows that he must run faster than the deer, otherwise he will starve to death. While the gazelle knows that it must run faster than even the fastest lion, Otherwise, you will become his prey. Although neither of them wanted to run, they had no choice but to run fast to survive.
For example, You came home after a stressful/exhausted day at work and you didn’t have the energy to do anything so you decided to rest in front of the TV. Suddenly you hear someone shouting, “Fire, Fire!” What would you do? Normally, You were going to leave that place as soon as possible!!! But where did you get the energy that you lacked before? The answer is that the energy was awake and intense.
And therefore, Whatever your life path, If your existence is threatened, You would have stayed alert and your motivation to save yourself would have increased.
So I always have to imagine that I had such motivation and wonder how much strength I would draw and how much more good you would be able to achieve based on that.
The second type of motivation is extrinsic motivation :
Extrinsic motivation arises from our external lives such as friends, family, our bosses, etc. The problem is that extrinsic motivation fades quickly.
Let me ask you:
If your boss greets you with a nice smile… Will this welcome have an impact? Whereas if the opposite happens, He greeted you dryly without greeting or smiling. Will this also affect your day? …. Without a doubt, it would have affected your day or perhaps even your psychological state in the long run.
Unfortunately, people rely too much on extrinsic motivation to gain the appreciation of managers, friends, and family members. We always need to please others and we always like to be appreciated. We want people to look at us with respect so that we can feel our self-esteem. Maybe we depend on things that don’t necessarily come from our core.
American writer Benjamin Franklin said, “ The opinions of others would destroy us … If everyone around me were blind except me, I didn’t need fancy clothes, a nice house, or fancy furniture .”
American psychologist William James said, “ If you depend on others for approval, “You will be subjected to great deception .”
I read in research and magazines that most insurance companies hold annual competitions among their sales agents. The agent with the highest sales percentage wins an all-expenses trip for a couple to one of the most beautiful islands in the world. While if the total sales of insurance policies amounted to 20,000 shekels per week, 30,000 shekels per week during the competition, In other words, he makes a great effort to win the competition prize, which increases his sales by 50%. But one week after the competition ended, His sales drop to 10,000 shekels per week!
Why is this happening? Even though the agent is the same agent who works for the same company and sells the same service in the same market, However, his motives had changed. Here lies the problem of external motivations. As its effect fades quickly.
Another example …. After I finished my bachelor’s degree, I expected my family to celebrate with me and give me small gifts or words of appreciation. Someone said to me, “Congratulations,” and how wonderful that was. But I still expect more from written appreciation….. I waited but to no avail. I didn’t get the buzz so I went and wrote a personal tribute to myself “Dear Nevin, Congratulations for that effort and for reaching the goal that you dreamed of throughout the years. I personally appreciate you very much and wish you much success. I recorded the date and signed down. One of my close friends asked me what is this? What are you doing, Nevin? What happened? Surprised facial expression. I replied, “Believe me, I was expecting to receive written congratulations and appreciation from my loved ones, but no one wrote to me, so no one values me as I value myself.” So I wrote to myself and I’m very happy and pleased about it. A few days later some of my friends sent me bouquets of flowers and I even got a written appreciation from them.
